Second Best
by shadowlynxbehr
Summary: Emily POV. Emily has loved Sam all of her life, but Sam has always seemed to make the perfect couple with Leah.


**Note: You can find the banner for this one-shot at (http:) albums/v629/Shadowlynx/Team%20Jacob%20Banners/SecondBest2(.jpg)**

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to SM and respective owners...I'm just borrowing them for some fun.**

**Universe: All Human**

I always knew I was second best and I would always be.

It wasn't hard to know that, especially when I saw them together. When he was with her, he always looked at her like she hung the moon, like there was nothing else in the world but her. And they were so perfect together too.

A perfect couple.

Sam with his tall height, short dark hair, high cheekbones, tanned skin and deep voice. Leah with her model-esque figure, silky long black tresses and pouty lips. Everywhere they went, they garnered attention. It was hard not to notice how good they looked together.

Even I could see it and I never denied it…no matter how much I wished he would look at me the way he looked at her. I figured they would always end up together…how could they not. It was as if they had been created for each other.

I knew he held her up on a pedestal. She could do no wrong in his eyes and honestly, I didn't think it was possible either. They had always seemed to be together, even when we were all young. Although they weren't technically exclusive to each other, it seemed to be unspoken. The way they always seemed to drift back together and then apart, it was as natural as the tide that rolled into the shore.

So when Sam asked me out for the first time, right after I had landed the job I'd been crossing my fingers for, it had actually come as a shock to me. I couldn't believe that he had even noticed that I even existed after all this time. After all, I had been the quiet, unassuming wallflower watching him and her living the life I had always dreamed about.

Even though he had carried a torch for Leah all these years, I had secretly loved him and had been content to do so without him ever knowing it. But now he asked me out and I couldn't help but go out with him…if only to have a little taste of what she had always been privy to.

It had turned out to be a lovely date.

It made me realize just what a great guy he really was. He was the perfect gentleman, always opening doors and holding the chair out for me. He always seemed to be concerned if I was having a good time or if I was too hot or too cold. In truth, he had doted on me all during the date, making me feel like I was special…like I was the only woman in the world at that moment in time.

It made me wonder if he was like that with all of his dates. Was that really the way he was? A considerate guy? One who always went out of his way to make sure the woman he was with was having the time of her life? If that was so, then why hadn't Leah snapped him up yet? How could anyone not have claimed him for keeps?

I knew I couldn't do that. He was just too far out of my reach. Even though he had been the one to ask me out, I knew better. It was just one date. One time for him to go out and enjoy his life until he returned to her side again.

That's what I had convinced myself of, until he'd asked me out on a second date. And a third…and they just kept coming. But no matter how many times he asked me out, I never assumed that he would do so again. I knew it was inevitable for him to go back to Leah. That's the way it always had been and the way it would always be for them.

That's why I never asked him for more than what he was willing to give me. I was guarding my heart, my life. I was making sure that when the time came to let him go, I could do so without much drama at all.

And the time did eventually come.

She was single again and wanted him back. And just like before, they drifted together again and I watched without shedding a tear. I let him go. At least I had been allowed to bathe in his light for a little while and I believed those memories would sustain me for the rest of my life. I was grateful for the chance to live my dream even for that small amount of time.

I went on with my life as always. Going to work at a job I had come to enjoy, then going home to my lonely apartment, which didn't really bother me at all. I believed my life was comfortable and I was content, if not elated.

Things remained that way for nearly a year, until he looked me up again. I was rather surprised he had remembered me, a small blip in his rather large life. Yet he had, and once again he asked me out.

Just like before, I didn't say no to him. I knew I never would, but he didn't know that and I didn't feel the need to tell him so. Eventually one date led to another and soon it seemed we were back to dating the way we had once before.

Even so, I continued to guard my heart and always waited for him to tell me he was moving on. I expected it. But what I didn't expect was the night he asked me to stay with him. To make love to him.

I was floored.

Amazed that he wanted me, even if it was for just that night, I said yes. How could I not? The man I had loved from afar, for so many years, wanted me in his bed. I knew it would be a night I would never forget, unlike any of the nights I'd had before with men I couldn't even remember.

Just like with the dates we had gone on, he once again made me realize what a great man he was. While I was in his bed, in his arms, it felt like I was it for him. The way he touched me, made me feel like he was cherishing me, memorizing every curve and texture of my body.

I had never known that I could feel so beautiful from just the feel of calloused hands caressing my skin. That my body would shudder from the pleasure of warm lips sucking and nipping the sensitive areas they found all over my body. I hadn't known that it was possible to experience my first orgasm from just the attention a man paid to my breasts alone. Or that I could even experience multiple orgasms in one night.

He made me feel things I hadn't even imagined in all of my wildest dreams of him. And when he wrapped his body around me at the end of the night, his deep, husky voice whispering in my ear to go to sleep, I couldn't do anything else but do as he asked.

If I hadn't woken up still wrapped in his embrace, I would have thought that night had been the best dream I had ever had. Even so, when he opened his eyes and looked at me with his sleepy smile, the little voice inside of me warned me not to take it for granted.

We were still not an exclusive couple and I had never asked that of him.

I would never ask that of him.

He continued to see me, even after that night and our life seemed to become intertwined more often than not. There were many times when he stayed the night with me at my apartment or I stayed with him at his house. We seemed to fall into a comfortable relationship with each other, flowing around each other as naturally as flowers in the wind.

In the long months that followed, he spent more and more time with me but I never asked him for more than what he seemed willing to give me. He never said anything about wanting more from our relationship and I never pressured him into anything either. I was content with what I had and I refused to become _that_ woman, the kind that made demands on his time and his life.

I refused to tie him down to me because I knew I wasn't what he really wanted. I knew he still carried a torch for Leah and he always would. For the moment, I allowed myself to enjoy what he gave me, knowing I would always be second best.

It was something I was more than willing to live with.

I had resigned myself to the open-ended relationship that we had, knowing he could leave at any time he wanted to. And when I heard that she was single again, I knew the time was near. I was prepared for the day when he finally went back to her and once again I didn't shed a tear as he left me alone.

This time though, things didn't turn out the way I had expected them to. I thought it would be like all the other times.

They would get back together again and I would sit in the wings, watching and dreaming as always. I would live my life the way I always had and they would live theirs, the way I always dreamed I would.

Our lives would go on, just like always.

But it didn't.

He had been gone for less than a week when I discovered that I was pregnant…with his baby. Who else's would it be since he was the only one I had slept with in years. And in all that time, I had always been careful. It had been ingrained in me to do so, which meant I always made sure to be protected in some way.

Still, you know what they say…accidents happen.

And it happened to me.

So, when my period was late, I immediately got a test from the pharmacy and followed the instructions on the box. Even with the positive result, I still made an appointment with an OB/GYN, wanting an official test result. And I wasn't disappointed.

I was indeed two months pregnant.

Right then and there, I knew I was going to keep the baby, no matter what. I knew I could raise it on my own since I had a great job that provided good insurance. There was never any question about what I would do if I got pregnant with Sam's baby. It was a little piece of him that I would always have, even when I couldn't have him.

As happy as I was to have the baby, I didn't feel the need to tell him about it. Mostly because I didn't want the news to mess up his life in any way. I wanted him to be happy and not worry about the care of an unwanted child or of taking care of me. I had thought he was happy with Leah and the freedom he had of dating her without anything interfering with their lives.

Little did I know that he had never gotten back with her because she had gone and done something no one could have seen coming. Never in a million years would I have dreamed that she would end up marrying someone who wasn't Sam.

But she did.

And Sam had never really stopped dating me.

I was surprised when he called me the day after I got the results from the doctor, asking me if I wanted to have dinner with him. Only years of practice kept me from blurting out the question of why wasn't he with Leah right at that moment. Instead, I politely declined, saying I was behind with my work and I didn't have time that day.

He didn't back down, asking me to go out with him some other night then and I had no other choice but to give in. He was a hard man to refuse and I had always been a sucker for him.

Still, I didn't tell him about the baby that night or any other night we were together. I hoped that eventually he would just drift away like he had before so that my secret would be safe with me. I still didn't know about Leah, so I kept thinking sooner or later, she would come for him.

The months went on and soon I knew I wouldn't be able to hide it from him any longer. I had tried to distance myself from him, claiming long days at work and the like. Usually he understood since even he had those kinds of days and we still were not an exclusive couple. It was usually easy to avoid him without much of a fuss, so I hoped that eventually he would just find something else to grab his attention away from me.

Unfortunately, luck wasn't with me this time and Sam found out the truth in a way I hadn't been expecting.

I was four months pregnant at the time and still not really showing, but now morning sickness was almost a daily thing for me. One day, I was so sick that I stayed home from work and spent most of it either sleeping or worshipping the porcelain god. It was mid-day and I was drifting in and out of sleep when there came a knock at my apartment door.

I didn't get up to answer it, figuring they would just go away when they didn't hear any sound from inside. A few moments later another knock sounded, and then another one after that. It soon became evident to me that whoever it was, wasn't going away so I dragged my exhausted body out of bed and to the front door.

Opening the door as wide as the chain-link would let me, I peered out blearily into the worried face of Sam. I gave a tired sigh as I leaned my throbbing head against the door frame.

"What are you doing here, Sam?"

He held up a container of some sort of liquid and told me he had heard from a mutual friend of ours that I was sick. He then called my job and they had confirmed that I had called in, so he'd made some soup to bring over to me.

I tried to tell him that I just wanted to sleep, but he insisted on taking care of me. He talked me into letting him inside, so I removed the chain and began walking back to my bedroom.

"You want me to heat up the soup for you?" he asked.

I shook my head and then realized what a mistake that was as the room spun a little. "No thanks," I croaked. "I'm feeling too nauseous to hold anything down right now."

I didn't stick around to see what he was doing and made my way back to my bedroom. I lay down and pulled the covers back over me with a sigh. A few minutes later, I felt the bed dip as he sat down next to me and brushed the hair away from my sweat-slicked brow.

"Emily, I'm really worried about you. Have you seen a doctor yet?"

I didn't open my eyes as I answered him. "Yes."

"And?"

"And it's nothing a little rest won't cure."

"Are you saying he didn't give you anything for whatever it is that's wrong with you?"

I opened my eyes to look at him. "Sam, I'm fine. Really, why don't you just go home. Don't worry about me."

He sighed. "You don't look fine, honey."

I closed my eyes again, not really wanting to get into it with him. And just as he was about to start in again, I could feel my stomach revolting.

"Em…"

I didn't give him a chance to finish as I scrambled out of the bed and rushed to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before I once again unloaded the contents of my stomach. I hadn't even been there for a few moments when I felt his hands gathering my hair up and pulling it back away from my face.

He continued to sit behind me, holding my hair out of the way and rubbing my back with a soothing motion until I finally sat back with a groan. He took a few moments to wet a hand towel and handed it to me before sitting next to me again.

"Are you okay?" he asked again.

I wiped my mouth with the towel before answering. "Yeah, thanks."

He sighed. "What exactly did the doctor say was wrong with you?"

I rolled my eyes as I got up from the floor and tossed the towel in the sink. "Nothing is wrong with me, Sam."

He scowled as he followed me back into the bedroom. "Maybe you should get a second opinion, you don't look fine to me."

I chuckled miserably. "Look, I'm too tired to discuss this with you. Can I just rest for a while?"

He watched as I curled up beneath the covers again before leaving the room. I should have known better than to think he had gotten the message and was going to leave me alone for the day. Little did I know just how resourceful he could be when he wanted to be.

It was hours later that I woke up to find him sitting in the chair across from my bed with his head in his hands. As I gingerly sat up, he lifted his head, allowing me to see the worry and fear etched on his face. I took one look at him and knew that he knew the truth. His next words confirmed it.

"Is it…mine?"

I swallowed. "Yes."

He took a deep breath and let it out, as if he was letting it sink in. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I sighed. I knew I couldn't avoid this any longer, he would never let it go. And so I told him everything. How I had found out that I was pregnant and what I had decided to do once it had been confirmed. I told him that I had planned on raising it all on my own, not wanting to interfere in his life in any way.

He was with Leah, I said, and I didn't want to come between them.

It was then that he interrupted me and told me he had not gone back to her. She was marrying someone else, he said, and whatever they had once shared had long since been over with.

I found that hard to believe, mainly because I had carried a torch for him for as long as he had carried one for her and since I still carried mine, how could he have let his go?

Still, he told me he wanted to be there for me and our baby, and I found out that he had always wanted a family…and she had never agreed with him on that. I knew that I couldn't refuse him that wish now that he knew that I was pregnant with his child. So he became a part of my life again, helping me cope with the pregnancy and the doctor's visits.

It amazed me that he didn't just want to be an absent dad and that he still wanted to see me even with my swelling belly. I couldn't help but be swept off my feet by the way he seemed to desire me when I began to resemble a whale. He even asked the doctor if it was all right to make love to me throughout my pregnancy.

At first I wondered if he was just feeling sympathy for me because of my condition and then I wondered if he just felt too guilty to want to be with anyone else. In the end, I gave up trying to figure him out because he came to me during my seventh month of pregnancy, got down on one knee and asked me to marry him.

I stared at the beautiful ring he presented to me, amazed that he had gone through all that trouble for me and yet, I couldn't say no. He was giving me what I'd always dreamed of and even though I knew I wasn't the one he had always thought he would have a family with one day, I couldn't let him go.

We were married in a small, quiet ceremony as soon as we could because he didn't want his son born out of wedlock. Our honeymoon consisted of a weekend out of town and then we were back in his small house until we could find a bigger one to raise our son in together.

Our son was born with very little difficulty and at exactly the precise time the doctor had predicted he would be. It was a sight to see Sam holding his son in his arms for the first time. The look of pride and love on his face as he looked down at the perfect being we had created together, made my heart swell.

He set the baby on my stomach and leaned over me, brushing the sweat-slicked hair out of my face and pressed a kiss against my forehead.

"He's beautiful, Emily."

I smiled at him, tears in my eyes as I realized that I was getting to live the dream I had never thought I would.

We took our son home three days later and settled into a comfortable life as a family. We had finally managed to purchase a four bedroom home together a few months after our son's birth and I spent my maternity leave getting all of us settled into our new home with the help of Sam, our parents and some of our closest friends.

Our lives seemed to be full and happy and I was always amazed at how much Sam seemed to fit so easily into family life. He always came home from work with a smile on his face, kissing me on the lips as he walked into the kitchen where I was cooking dinner. Taking a whiff of the aromas and telling me "dinner smells great, Em." Then he would drop off his things in his study and spend some time with our son until I called him in to dinner.

I never expected our nights to be as passionate as they were, thinking that once our son was born, he would lose some interest in me. But he didn't and I was surprised with the way he still made love to me as if we had just started dating. He still touched me in ways that made me feel like I was the only woman who mattered to him, that I would always be. And every time he did, I wondered if maybe it was true now. Maybe he no longer thought of Leah and I was no longer just…second best.

Our happy little family life lasted until well after our son turned a year old…and then I found out the news.

Leah had divorced her husband and was single again.

At first I thought nothing of it until I happened to see her one day as I was running errands. I had left my son with my mother so that I could get everything done faster and was just leaving the post office when I saw her. She was coming out of a clothing store across the street and all I could do was stop and stare at her. She never saw me as I took in how gorgeous she still looked after all this time.

Marriage had clearly not changed her at all. She was still as perfect as the runway model she had always looked to be, unlike me who had clearly changed after getting married and having a baby. My body had filled out in ways that marked me as a woman who had given birth and even my wardrobe resembled that of a conservative mom.

She still wore the tiny shorts and revealing tops that showed off every inch of her perfect curves and slim body. And she strutted in those high heels as if she owned the sidewalk she walked on. Her hair still shone and she still had the perfect pouty lips that made men think of hot, sweaty nights between the sheets.

I waited until she was out of sight before I resumed running my errands, but the image of her was burned into my mind. I wondered how long it would be before Sam found out about her and how long it would take for him to go back to her.

It ate at me every moment of every day as I began to watch him for signs that he was getting ready to leave me again. And yet, he still came home with a smile on his face, kissed me and told me dinner smelled great. He still spent time with our son and held me close to him at night.

He never showed any signs of it and in time I couldn't take it anymore. So one night, I had reached my limit and blurted out the only thing I could over dinner.

"I want a divorce."

Sam stopped eating and looked up at me in shock. "What?"

I pushed my plate away. "You heard me," I mumbled.

I knew it came out of left field, but it didn't to me. I was tired of living in fear, of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I knew it was inevitable that he would be going back to her.

He set down his fork and took a long swig of his iced tea before setting his glass down on the table. Looking at me, he waited, thinking there was more I had to say. When I wasn't forthcoming, he spoke to me again.

"Where is this coming from?"

I sighed. "I know you're not happy."

He looked like I had just slapped him. "What? Of course I'm happy. What makes you think I'm not?"

I had no idea what to say to that…really, was I supposed to just tell him to go back to Leah. Was that what he was waiting for?

"Em?" he asked. "Are you…unhappy?"

That did it. "Leah's single again," I said, in a rush. "She's single and I know how you feel about her and I'm sure she's contacted you…"

He reached out and grabbed my hand. "Whoa! Wait a second…how do you know this?"

I told him. I told him that I had found out through our friends and then I had seen her that day. He was silent the whole time I fumbled through it all and then he sighed and shook his head, looking disappointed.

"I'm married to you Emily. I made my choice, but if you're not happy, then I can understand that."

He didn't say another word as he got up and took his plate to the sink, setting it inside and excusing himself to his study. That night, I went to sleep alone and over the next few days, it seemed that he was always working late at his office.

I couldn't convince myself that it was because he was upset with me for assuming things that weren't true. Instead, I believed that he had finally begun to see her again and was just hiding his affair from me.

I still made dinner, but would leave it in the oven for him since he rarely came home on time. And I continued on with my own routine as if there was nothing else wrong in our life.

Then one day he came home while I was cooking dinner and I saw how worn out and sad he looked. He came into the kitchen and looked right at me and I knew something had happened. He sighed and kissed my forehead before going to his study for a while.

It wasn't until we sat down to dinner together that he finally told me what had happened.

"Leah called me at the office," he said as he pushed his food around his plate. "She asked me to go to lunch with her."

I couldn't look at him as I asked, "Did you?"

"No….I told her I was too busy with work to take a leisurely lunch, so she asked me to go to dinner."

"So why didn't you?"

He set his fork down and stared at me. "Because I told her that I had plans to have dinner with my wife and son," he snapped before getting up to put his barely touched plate in the sink.

He stood there for a moment before whirling around to glare at me. "Did you know she was going to try to get me back? Is that why you asked me for the divorce?"

I shook my head. "No."

"Then why are you so willing to give up everything we've worked for?"

This time I couldn't help the tears that fell from my eyes as I finally just told him the truth. I let all of it pour out of me with the tears that I could no longer hold in. I knew that this was it…that I had finally reached my limit. This time I had dug myself too deep in my feelings for him that I couldn't just let him go without any repercussions.

I knew if he left me…I would be devastated.

He knew the truth now.

Of how I had always loved him. Of how I had always stood back and watched him with Leah, wishing it was me that he was with. Wishing that I was as beautiful and perfect as she always seemed to be. Wishing that he would look at me the way he looked at her…dreaming of his love for me and of making a life with him.

But I was always second best.

I would never be that perfect or that beautiful. And he would never look at me like I was the only woman in the world for him. I would never have his love and my dreams would never come true.

I had resigned myself to my fate…I had done everything I could to tell myself that I was happy with being second best. It's all I was born to be. And I refused to stand in the way of his happiness, even if it meant that I would be giving up mine.

He was silent when I had finally finished my confession, my sobs the only thing filling up the kitchen space. I couldn't look at him, I didn't want to see the pity or the disgust he would have for me. So I got to my feet and ran to the bedroom, throwing myself on the bed and sobbing until I had nearly lost my voice.

I didn't hear the door open or close and it wasn't until I felt the bed dip that I realized he was in the room with me. His hands took hold of my arms and he lifted me up until I was in his lap with his arms holding me tightly to him. He held me there in silence, just holding me until I seemed to quiet down a little.

Only then did he speak…into my hair.

"Emily…I love you."

I felt my heart jump at those softly spoken words, but didn't say anything at all.

He sighed. "I need you to believe that honey. I'm in love with you, not Leah. Don't you see, you are everything she could never be. You are more real to me than she ever was. With you, I have a life…one that I had always dreamed of having. We have a son, a home…and I can't imagine having any of it without you by my side.

I'm sorry if I ever gave you the impression that Leah was better than you. I never meant to do that. She's not you Em, she never will be. And I stopped caring for her years ago. Long before you and I even got together. Yes, I still saw her, but I didn't love her…and even then…I couldn't forget you. You are the one who left an impression on me, on my heart. But I didn't think you had any feelings for me.

When you told me you were pregnant with my baby, it seemed I was going to get the chance I never thought you would give me otherwise. I asked you to marry me after I found out you were pregnant with my baby because I thought it would be the only way I could have you. I didn't think you would want me if you weren't carrying our son. If I had known that you had loved me all these years…I would have asked you to marry me long before that.

I love you Emily. I don't ever want to let you go. Please say you want to love me forever too."

His words made me cling to him even as I told him that I wanted to love him forever too. It was the truth.

And that evening, we finally got everything out between us.

Everything.

I knew that Sam and I loved each other completely now and nothing would ever come between us again. Leah tried to contact him a few more times, but he only ever had eyes for me. He finally told her to leave him alone. He was a happily married man and had moved on from her a long time ago. Eventually she got the message and ended up married to someone else.

Six times.

I saw her again after her third marriage and realized that the years were no longer kind to her. Gone was the perfection and glamour of her model-esque figure. She had begun to look like a woman who was desperately trying to hang on to her youth and failing miserably. And I no longer looked at her with envy or worried that Sam would leave me for her.

For our fifth anniversary, Sam and I renewed our vows in a bigger celebration because he felt I deserved the best and he wanted the world to know how much he loved me. We even took a week long honeymoon to Hawaii where we conceived our third child with relish.

In the end we would have a perfectly good round number of four children who were loved and doted on by me, Sam and their grandparents. Our home was always filled with love, laughter and life. And Sam always made sure with each new day that dawned, that I knew he loved me…and I knew that was true.

I was no longer just second best.


End file.
